“Perfection or Bust”
So many women I know tell me that they gravitate towards careers and professions that they know they are going to be great in, that they know they are going to be perfect in, and there is no wonder why…
Most girls are taught to avoid risk and failure we’re taught to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A’s.
Boy’s on the other hand are taught to play rough, swing high, crawl to the top of the monkey bars and then jump off. By the time they are adults, they are negotiating a raise or even asking someone out on a date. they are habituated to take risk after risk. They are rewarded for it.
In other words we’re raising our girls to be perfect, and we are raising our boys to be brave .
In 1980s psychologist Carol Dweck looked at how bright 5th graders handle assignments that was too difficult for them. She found that bright girls were quick to give up, the higher the IQ the more likely they were to give up. Bright boys on the other hand, found the difficult material to be a challenge, they found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts.
What is going on here…
At 5th grade, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science, so it’s not a question of ability. The difference is in how boys and girls approach a challenge, and it does not just end in 5th grade,
Being a recruiter I see many job applications every day and there is a HP report found that men apply for a job, if they only meet 60 percent of the qualifications, but women, Women will apply only if they meet 100 percent of the qualifications match.
This study is usually invoked as evidence that well, women need little more confidence, But I think it’s evidence that women have been socialized to aspire to be perfect and they are overly cautious.
Even we are ambitious even we are leaning in, that socialization of perfection has caused us to take less risk on our careers, and so those 60000000 jobs that are open right now in computing and tech women are being left behind and its mean our economy is being left behind on all the innovation and problems women would solve if they were socialized to be brave instead of socialized to be perfect.
We need more imperfection …
I was reading an article where a professor of some university mentioned he teaches intro to java, and he mentioned when guys are struggling with their assignment of code they come in and says “Professor there is something wrong with my code.”
On the other hand the girls will come in and say “Professor there is something wrong with me.”
We must begin to undo the socialization of perfection, but we have got to combine it with building sisterhood that let girls know that they are not alone because trying harder is not going to fix a broken system.
I cannot tell you how many women say this, I do not want to raise hand, I do not want to be the only one struggling and only one who do not understand, when we teach girls to be brave and we have a supportive network cheering them on they will build incredible things.
We must socialize our girls to be comfortable with imperfections, and we got a do it now.
More power to all the girls reading this…
There is a video link to feel inspired , this is an 8 yr old might have many editing errors kindly excuse . I have been always passionate for educating and facilitating girls' to feel brave and empowered, lets take a pledge to inspire every single little girl you Meet..
Till than see you later…
Ref. book:
1. The Secret to Raising Smart Kids Carol S. Dweck
2. You become what you think Carol S. Dweck